Xi

There's always been one thing missing from the world of state visits: the yearning tones of Charles Aznavour.  Last week David Cameron finally put that right.

Xi may be the face I can't forget
Disgrace the voters will regret
When people notice what a price they have to pay

Xi may be the Queen's new special friend
Inward investment without end
And, since it's best not to offend
I must be careful what I say

Xi may build a flagship nuclear plant
Or an obscene white elephant
On terms that mean your household budgets feel the heat

Xi may prove a costly man to please
Renewables are on their knees
Because we've slashed their subsidies
To keep him sweet

Xi, whose reputation can't be seen to fail
Whose enemies are swiftly thrown in jail
No-one's allowed to hear their shrill protest

Xi, who if you wave a 'Free Tibet' placard
Deploys his goons to hit you good and hard
That's the leadership I love the best

Xi may dump his bargain-basement steel
While Cambuslang and Scunthorpe squeal
Without a pang of sorrow anyone can see

Me, I'll take his piles of tainted cash
For all my pervy chums to stash
While you lot face austerity
My sugar daddy will be
Xi