Monday, 24 March 2014

Next!


Two years out from 24 March 2016, it's "Reasons For Yes" Day.  So here's a wee change of pace, with profound apologies to Stephen Sondheim.  The jokes will be back tomorrow!

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The bankrupt campaign
Having no dreams of its own
Tramples on others.

Scots aspiring?
See what’s coming
Next!

Newswires humming
Insults firing
Fix the plumbing
Next!

Grown-up nation?
Know your station
Education
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Poor and stupid
We abhor you
Pricked by Cupid
We adore you
Next!

Osborne snarling
No to sterling
Isolation
High inflation
Rumours swirling
Border station
Complication
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Job migration
Storm winds whirling
Devastation
Desperation
Yay for curling!
Jubilation!
Next!

Oil is flowing!
Lovely jubbly
Oil is slowing!
Scots in trouble, eh?
Next!

Voters turning?
Marr opining
Murphy whining
Devolution?
No solution
Lamont girning
Air pollution
Values spurning
Labour learning
Prostitution
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The Herald, 24 March 2014:
SCOTLAND will be worse off than the rest of the UK to the tune of £1000 per person in the years immediately following Alex Salmond's proposed date of independence, according to an analysis published today.

Next!

Johann Lamont, Labour Perth Conference, 23 March 2014:
There is one thing which the First Minister has discovered this year. Women give birth to children. Then they look after them.  So when his focus groups tell him women don’t like him, he discovers child care.”

Next!

Sunday Telegraph, 23 March 2014:
“The Scottish National Party’s plans for the country’s economy post-independence have been dismissed as “a few windmills and hydro power” by one of the UK’s leading businessmen.

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The Scotsman, 21 March 2014:
“An independent Scotland may end up accepting an “off the shelf” deal to join the EU with “significantly worse” terms and conditions than it currently enjoys, the Scottish Secretary has claimed.”

Next!

The Herald, 24 March 2014:
“Conservative Cabinet minister Ken Clarke has claimed a Yes vote in the independence referendum would "revive the medieval state of Scotland"…. Mr Clarke, 73, also referred repeatedly to the independence ballot as the "devolution vote" and said it was in May, rather than in September.

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Daily Telegraph, 23 March 2014:
“An independent Scotland faces giving up the pound and higher borrowing costs, according to an analysis by the world’s largest fund manager…. A 12-page analysis of the ramifications of leaving the UK also raised the prospect of higher interest rates, financial services jobs moving south of the Border and cuts to public spending.”

Next!

Worship the financial sector!
Gorge yourself on endless nectar
Don’t turn on that lie detector
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Never mind a small disaster
Who’s the servant, who’s the master?
Just bung on a sticking plaster
Next!

There was a time
when foreigners were welcome here,
when the Welfare State offered security from cradle to grave,
when the concept of a fair day’s work for a fair day’s pay existed,
when greater equality was considered a goal worth pursuing.    
But that was a long time ago.
Welcome to the UK.

Next!  Next!
Everyone in brace position,
Next!  Next!
Scorch the earth, fulfil the mission,
Next! 
Next!
Next!

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